22 Kasım 2006


The prince leans to the girl in scarlet heels,
Her green eyes slant, hair flaring in a fan
Of silver as the rondo slows; now reels
Begin on tilted violins to span

The whole revolving tall glass palace hall
Where guests slide gliding into light like wine;
Rose candles flicker on the lilac wall
Reflecting in a million flagons' shine,

And glided couples all in whirling trance
Follow holiday revel begun long since,
Until near twelve the strange girl all at once
Guilt-stricken halts, pales, clings to the prince

As amid the hectic music and cocktail talk
She hears the caustic ticking of the clock.

Bazen her şey masalsı, uçup gidesim geliyor kuş tüyü gibi rüzgara karşı koymadan..

Kimi zamansa her şey dipte, her şey zor ki bu Sylvia Plath'i sevmeyi kolaylaştırıyor kimseyi, kendimi bile sevesim gelmediği zamanlarda. O da benim gibi gizli saklı değil, açık seçik ve yakın*.

Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

gözlerimi kapadım ve aslında depresyondaki hastanın olduğu kasedi izlemediğimi, evde uyuduğumu hayal ettim, tek istediğim battaniyemin altında olmaktı. eve geldim, bir saat bunu yaptım ve her şey yeniden yerli yerindeydi, sorun yoktu, aslında belki de hiç olmamıştı, hepsi kafamın içindeydi.

7 Kasım 2006

a modern fairy tale

Bu sabah yazdım.

There was “the” girl living in the woods with her grandma. She had a lonely childhood, doing housework and playing with the animals around, but she had grown up to be kind of a wild child that did not have warm relationships with “ohers”. When she became 20, she started to feel lonely, started to look for a human friend around about her age. So, she went far away from the house for the first time, and came by a lake. There was this young, tall and handsome guy with a horse by the water. He was wearing rough clothes which were really not much good looking when compared to hers, but he was like Narcissus looking at himself leaning towards the water.

After a second of doubt, she approached him, he was scared by her at once but they started to talk, and the rest was like the fairy tales. Nobody saw them, and they did not care about the world. Their relationship was just over the labels people could ever put on them, so the words were not the aim, they were the tools.

Days passed by, the girl was looking forward for the time of the day to go to the lake for him, and besides doing the boring regular things as usual. One day, a man in very expensive and stylish clothes, on a white royal horse, came to their door, bringing an invitation to the ball in the castle. The grandma said that she could not go, but the girl wanted to go so much and she could go alone. An excitement that was all over her expectations kept them awake day and night, so the girl of woods became an urban dweller in classy clothes. She did not tell the boy that she would go to the ball, because he seemed poor and he would probably not be able to come to ball and become unhappy.

The night came, she went to the castle with her horse, got into the ball room where people danced and gossiped, as king and queen watched. The first person she saw with tremendous glamour in the middle of dancers was “the” boy. He was dancing with an older lady over thirty who looked really dull in his arms. She wanted to know who he “really” was and who he was dancing with, so she got into the crowd, looked friendlier than ever to people, and asked some gossiping women about the glamorous boy and the woman. They were shocked she did not know, he was the prince and the woman he danced with was one of his lovers that may even become the queen in the future. Our girl was frustrated and for the first time in her life feeling the darkest of blue. She looked at the old lady in his arms... He must have kissed her lips, touched her hair, obviously holded her waist and slept on her lap just as he did with our girl. What was that feeling growing in her breast? Pain? It was the emotion of being told a lie, a lie of her life, a lie that broke the purest fairy tale in the world that could have been told to children before they sleep.. He had been trying to tell truths about himself during the time they spent by the lake, and she did not want to listen cause she loved him for who he was with her, not for who he was with others. He told her that he had been a bad person from time to time, but things were changing so he had become a better man for the last few months which would become a whole by completing the missing parts with our girl.

The only person in the world other than her grandma had been lying to her as he was still holding that oldy lady in his arms in the ball and god knows in every ball in the last few months. Later, she walked out of the ball room, rode her horse to the woods and to the lake to say goodbye to all the values she had attributed to the lake about love and to the memories. She got home, hugged her grandma and went to a deep sleep after crying with silent tears, and woke up to a world in the morning that she could never have thought of before.